Day 2: Your First Love
“He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”
I didn’t find my first love until I was about twelve years old. I know a lot of girls grow up knowing how much they love their Daddy’s, but for me it took awhile longer. Growing up I was a Mommy’s girl. Whatever she did, wherever she went I wanted to be there. I used to throw a fit if I didn’t get see her off to work or if she did something that didn’t include me. It wasn’t until she left and I couldn’t always be there with her that I realized how much my Dad had always been there. Patiently waiting, standing in the background for me to notice him.
I’m sorry that it took my parents’ divorce for me to realize how much he really loved me. He became my rock, and I remember standing in the kitchen one day with him and he looked at me said “I’m never going to leave you.” And I believed him with all my heart and he never has. Unconditional love is something every parent has for their child, but I don’t think all children realize how rare it is to have someone that loves you no matter what you say or do. I’m not writing this as a slap in the face to my mother, because I’ve long forgiven her for leaving and doing what she had to do. And in a way, her leaving gave me a gift, it gave me my Dad.
He was the one who got up with me every morning and saw me off on the bus, no matter how tired he was. He was the one home with me on the weekend, riding bikes and walking in the woods. He was the one who listened when I came home from my first dance upset because the boy I liked danced with another girl. He was the one that left me a note on my bed the day of my fifth-grade graduation telling me how proud he was and how sorry he was that he couldn’t be there…but just a few minutes before we were ready to go he showed up and was in the crowd. He’s the one who calls me and sends me emails asking how I am. Who always listens when I need to vent. Who offers advice and encouragement but never judges me if I make a decision he may have done differently. He did everything he could to keep my life normal and happy. He let me grow, he let me move away, and he never made me feel guilty about any of it. On my wedding day he was the first one to make me cry, I was doing such a good job of holding it in and when Pastor asked who gives this woman away he choked up and I lost it. And afterward he told me how beautiful I was.
When I think of the person I loved I think about him. I think about him making me feel safe and secure. I think about all the times I cried and screamed at him and he still hugged me and told me he loved me. He may not be the perfect father, but he is perfect for me. And he was my first love.
